Posted by David Green | January 20, 2016 @ 8:48 pm
- Winter storms are about to paralyze the east coast in a frozen post-apocalypic nightmare where we all find ourselves screaming, “Why, Elsa! Why!”
- Apparently President Obama is to blame for Track Palin assaulting his girlfiend because of PTSD. What people forget is that the only reason Track went into the military in the first place was as part of a plea deal to escape a drug conviction.
- Chez Pazienza of The Daily Banter explains why Bernie Sanders will never be president and I agree with him on every single point.
- Ted Nugent says President Obama should be killed. Again. When is this guy going to get a much deserved visit from the Secret Service?
- Star Wars: Episode VIII has been pushed back to December 2017. Look, if they need another seven months to get it right, I’m fine with that.
- Wegmans is (possibly) coming to North Carolina, and the proposed location isn’t too far from me. Maybe I’ll finally get to see what all the fuss is about.
- The internet’s top 25 passwords of 2015 prove that most people are still idiots.
- Here’s why you probably shouldn’t take a bath in “liquid glass” putty.
- Here are 10 Sundance Film Festival favorites you can stream right now. The House of Yes is a personal favorite of mine.
Posted by David Green | January 19, 2016 @ 11:02 pm
- Trump says he’s going to make Apple start building their computers in the United States. He does understand the difference between a president and a dictator, right?
- Hoping to cash in on the Star Wars fervor, AR5000 has created a suit of tactical gear for men with small dicks, clearly inspired by Boba Fett.
- Sarah Palin has endorsed Donald Trump for president, because obviously.
- And in other Palin news, Track Palin was charged with assault yesterday. Those are some mighty fine family values Sarah instilled in him, doncha’know.
- 10% of college graduates think Judge Judy is on the Supreme Court.
- Sgt. Jeffrey M. Rotheker with the St. Paul, Minnesota Police Department thinks people should just run over black protesters with their cars. I ask, why stop there? Why not also break out the firehoses and German Shepherds?
- Buzz Bissinger is going to ghost write a memoir for Caitlyn Jenner.
- The Onion has been sold to Univision.
- Those lunatics in Oregon have started blowing horns to prove how manly they are. Do I even need to write the obvious gay joke?
- Have you ever wondered what it would look like if someone put a brick in a washing machine then put that washing machine on a trampoline and turned it on?
Posted by David Green | January 1, 2016 @ 5:02 pm
According to iTunes, these were my top 10 songs of 2015.
#1 "Till It Happens to You" by Lady Gaga
#2 "Beautiful Crime" by Tamer
#3 "Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge
#4 "Freaks" by Timmy Trumpet & Savage
#5 "Royals" by Lorde
#6 "Shark" by Oh Wonder
#7 "Bad Moon Rising" by Morning Ritual
#8 "A Little Taste" by Skyler Stonestreet
#9 "Tainted Love" by Hannah Peel
#10 "Fool to Cry" by Tegan & Sara
Posted by David Green | November 26, 2015 @ 7:07 pm
- This is a tricky one for me. A group of Girl Scouts in Santa Rosa, CA want to join the Boy Scouts because the activities are “more robust.” I get that. I just wonder if the parents leading this charge would be just as cool with boys joining the Girl Scouts.
- Internet. Please. Stop trying to make glitter beards happen.
- If you ask me, groups putting out ads like this spend entirely too much time thinking about grown men having sex with children in bathroom stalls. It’s kinda like how Pat Robertson spends too much time thinking about people having sex with animals.
- Star Wars: The Force Awakens got a PG-13 rating yesterday (only the second time in the franchise’s history) and I guess that’s a big deal. For some reason.
- President Obama expertly trolled his detractors on Twitter last night. And do you know why? Because he has zero fucks left to give.
- Sweet Jesus, I’m actually linking to World Net Daily. Sigh. Over there, Linda Harvey laments that there’s nowhere safe for Christians to shop anymore because of The Gay™. I would remind her that Apple, Google, Microsoft, and Linux also support gay rights, so she should just go ahead and stop using a computer. Buh-bye, darling.
- As someone who’s been living with a physical disability for almost a year, FUCK YOU IN HALF DONALD TRUMP. Why does anyone support this asshole?
- Speaking of assholes, Pat Robertson advises a mother to turn away her gay son and his boyfriend, lest she become an enabler of their filthy lifestyle.
- Buzzfeed brings us 22 pictures that sum up every single Thanksgiving. That is, if you actually spend time with your family on Thanksgiving.
- And finally, this doofis thought it would be a good idea to jump the White House fence wearing an American flag cape. He was quickly proven wrong.
Posted by David Green | November 25, 2015 @ 5:46 pm
Holy shit, it’s been a long time since I’ve done this. Let’s see if I’m still good at mocking stupid people for saying and doing stupid things.
- Noted liar, racist, bigot, (and on and on) Donald Trump claims that he saw people jump to their deaths from the twin towers on 9/11. According to Gawker, the penthouse apartment Trump has lived in since 1999 is four miles away.
- Anthony Vincent sings Adele’s "Hello" in 25 different styles in a little over 5 minutes.
- A dress worn by Judy Garland just sold for $1.56 million. Moral of the story? If you find yourself working on a movie set, steal as much shit as you possibly can.
- Martin Shkreli (aka, Pharma Douche) says his company won’t be lowering the price of Daraprim, as promised. Because he’s an asshole.
- Famous Footwear has a new ad featuring two dads. That sound you hear is all three of the One Million Moms’ heads exploding.
- In news that should surprise no one, Phuc Dat Bich is a phucing liar.
- Noted fake Christian, Kevin Swanson (who I’m just assuming has more than a few rentboys in his past) says that God will destroy the UK because of The Gay™.
- Speaking of Trump, the man who was beaten, choked, and tossed out of one of his rallies in Alabama will be pursuing legal action against his attackers and Trump himself.
- Snoop Dogg handed out 1,500 of turkeys to families in need in the city of Inglewood a few days ago. Because he’s Snoop Dogg, that’s why.
- JJ Abrams says (other than a few tweaks here and there) The Force Awakens is ready and he’s terrified to release it. I can’t imagine how stressed he must be right now.